1 00:00:02,520 --> 00:00:04,240 Brace, brace! I'm bracing. 2 00:00:04,280 --> 00:00:06,680 This programme contains strong language and adult humour 3 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:07,720 Hm. 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:13,440 No, no, no, no, no! 5 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:19,960 No! 6 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,520 Ahh! 7 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:26,720 What?! 8 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,040 Hello! Here we go again. 9 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,760 Welcome to Taskmaster. 10 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:44,280 I'm Greg Davies and I love the smell of a new series in the evening. 11 00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:46,520 Five fresh competitors entering the arena, 12 00:00:46,560 --> 00:00:47,880 their hair done all fancy, 13 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:50,680 the light dancing off their new outfits, just nice. 14 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:54,200 But we all know that no amount of cosmetic tinkering can disguise 15 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,920 the fear that rips through their naive bodies. 16 00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,960 "Ooh, maybe I won't be one 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:02,000 "of those ones that humiliates themselves on this programme." 18 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,640 Grow up! 19 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,720 It's this misplaced optimism that wakes me up in the morning, 20 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:08,560 sustains me throughout the day and, 21 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,640 I hope this is appropriate, 22 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,680 is the source of my virility. 23 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:20,160 So, let's meet five successful comedians happy to put it all 24 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:25,160 on the line to win a trophy that remains to this day truly worthless. 25 00:01:25,200 --> 00:01:31,400 Please welcome Frankie Boyle, Ivo Graham, 26 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:36,200 Jenny Eclair, Kiell Smith-Bynoe, 27 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:39,440 and Mae Martin. 28 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:43,400 And now it's over to prick-tionary corner. 29 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,680 It's the direct result of a tryst between Postman Pat 30 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:48,640 and Chewbacca, it's... 31 00:01:48,680 --> 00:01:50,520 ...Little Alex Horne. 32 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,280 Hi. Hi, Greg. You all right? I'm just so ready for this. 33 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,760 I've had my pre, well, my new pre-show fuel. 34 00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,400 Yeah. Got a new system. OK. 35 00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:05,640 I have a quick, ah, Scotch Apple. I've got one here if you... 36 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:06,760 Yeah, yeah. 37 00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:09,920 There's a Scotch Apple. Yep. 38 00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,200 You want it? No. No? 39 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:13,520 Have a little nibble on it. 40 00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,360 I'm going to have a little nibble on it. 41 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:19,680 Mm! 42 00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:23,640 That is awful. Hm, mm, mm. Oh, lovely. 43 00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,600 Genuinely, it looks disgusting. 44 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,760 Oh, it really is. Well done. 45 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,720 Hopefully you'll be physically sick during the show. 46 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,240 OK, it's time for Alex to reveal 47 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:36,120 the first prize category of this series. 48 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,240 Yes, here it comes. 49 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:38,680 You've asked them to bring in 50 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:42,760 the most dependable thing that weighs about 1kg, 51 00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:44,840 so about the same as a ferret 52 00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:47,320 but much more trustworthy than a ferret, please. 53 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,240 Greg will give five points to the most dependable thing that weighs 54 00:02:50,280 --> 00:02:53,040 about a kilogram, and at the end of this episode, the overall winner 55 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,320 will take home around 5kg of dependable things. 56 00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:57,840 That's me done and it's back to you, Greg. 57 00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,240 OK, as tradition dictates, 58 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,400 we start on the left for the first episode so 59 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,160 Frankie, welcome to the show. 60 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,080 What's your dependable thing that weighs around a kilogram? 61 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,840 I have brought in something that reliably makes me smile 62 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:10,920 and laugh which is 63 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:16,560 a painting my children had made up of me for my 50th birthday. 64 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,440 Here it is. 65 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,520 Are the two people by the horse your children? 66 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:25,600 Yeah, they are. They've blurred their faces out, 67 00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:28,440 they weren't just moving while the painter was... 68 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:30,320 Frankie, it's a really strong opener. 69 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:31,800 I would like that in my house. 70 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:34,120 That's creepy. Yep. 71 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:35,840 Good. Ivo, welcome to the show. 72 00:03:35,880 --> 00:03:37,360 Thanks for having me on the show. 73 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:40,320 Obviously very hard to follow Frankie's beautiful 74 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:43,200 family-orientated art, but I would argue. 75 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:44,840 Are you all right? 76 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:51,240 Are you playing a Radio 4 panel game 77 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,120 where you can't say certain words? 78 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,200 Even on Taskmaster I'm still auditioning 79 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:56,720 for Radio 4 panel. 80 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,000 I've brought in the most dependable thing there is, 81 00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,520 I've brought in a four pack 82 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:05,000 of non-branded toilet roll. 83 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:06,520 Yes, he has. Oh, reliable. 84 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,320 There's his item. Yeah, very good. 85 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:09,680 I would say the four pack, 86 00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,320 as well as weighing pretty much exactly a kilogram, 87 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,600 pretty much any bowels are provided for. 88 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:17,200 It's the sense of security that 89 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,280 comes with bringing home a sweet four. 90 00:04:20,680 --> 00:04:21,800 I'm a nine pack girl. 91 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,480 Can I pull Ivo up on this slightly? If you look up loo rolls on 92 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:28,400 Wikipedia, which I imagine you've done, 93 00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:31,560 it says the average weight of a loo roll is 227g. Yes. 94 00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:35,560 But that is completely wrong, as is some of Wikipedia. 95 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,000 They weigh about 100g each. 96 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:39,680 So he's brought in less than half a kilo of loo roll? 97 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,400 Yeah, yeah. Is it, is it too late to switch it up to a sweet nine? 98 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,000 No, no. 99 00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:49,160 Not when you've been singing the virtues of the sweet four. 100 00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,480 Jenny, welcome. 101 00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:54,040 I have brought in 21 eggs. 102 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:57,640 You can't... You can't go wrong with an egg. 103 00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:02,320 These are Jenny's 21 eggs. The 21 eggs come in at 1,022g. 104 00:05:02,360 --> 00:05:03,640 Are eggs dependable though? 105 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,200 They go off, they break. So reliable and dependable. 106 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:09,880 They go off, they're fragile, they can be gelatinous. 107 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,960 Oh. If cooked incorrectly. Oh, you're putting me off eggs now. 108 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,040 Think of the people at home who've lost loved ones 109 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:16,320 to salmonella poisoning. 110 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,000 Yeah, two. Yeah. 111 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,800 OK. Kiell, welcome to the show. 112 00:05:21,840 --> 00:05:24,040 I'll smash this. What have you brought us? 113 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,120 I've brought a toaster. 114 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:28,240 Here it is. Not just a, yeah, any old toaster. 115 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:30,760 Look at that. Ooh. That's a fine toaster. 116 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,560 It's a bit modern, it's a bit retro. 117 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,080 It's a nice bit of kit that, innit? Yeah. Ooh. 118 00:05:35,120 --> 00:05:37,280 Talk us through your love of the toaster, Kiell. 119 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:40,400 It... Every time you put it down it burns the thing 120 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:41,440 and pops up. 121 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,360 Once bread has become toast it can never be bread again. 122 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:52,520 Because of that. 123 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:56,200 That is poetic. Hello, Mae. Welcome to the show. 124 00:05:56,240 --> 00:05:57,480 What have you brought in? 125 00:05:57,520 --> 00:06:01,360 OK, so there's been a lot of breakfast content. 126 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,680 I feel like if you're in 127 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:05,720 a fragile state what's more dependable go the 128 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:07,080 whole hog than 129 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,480 a kilogram worth of a full English breakfast. 130 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,360 That's what Mae's brought, 1kg of breakfast. 131 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,360 Mae is talking my language. 132 00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:17,320 Let's have a look. 133 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,560 That's exactly a kilogram. 134 00:06:18,600 --> 00:06:19,760 It is exactly 1kg. 135 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,560 Gosh. Five sausages, three bacon rashers, three hash browns, 136 00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,160 beans, mushrooms, scrambled eggs. 137 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,520 I've never, never not been delighted by the site of a full English. 138 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,480 A full English includes toast. 139 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:34,880 Sure and a full English will ultimately be shat out. 140 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,000 There are connections. 141 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:40,120 Yeah. But it's a majestic sight. 142 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,320 Right, let's give some points out, shall we? OK. Oh, dear. 143 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,360 Let's start with the one-pointer, shall we? 144 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,040 Which is the least dependable? Now, 145 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:50,280 bear in mind that Frankie's weighs 2kg, 146 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,760 and Ivo's not even half a kilo. 147 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,240 You've just absolutely shafted Frankie like. 148 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,640 Are you including the frame? 149 00:06:57,680 --> 00:06:59,880 I think without the frame it's barely 200g. 150 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:03,920 You can have the frame. 151 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:07,120 OK, it's nowhere near the weight 152 00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:09,800 and loo roll isn't that dependable cos your fingers can go through 153 00:07:09,840 --> 00:07:10,960 it, one point to Ivo. 154 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:12,840 Oh, I feared that would happen. 155 00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:15,880 I just don't think eggs are very dependable. 156 00:07:15,920 --> 00:07:17,920 Well, they don't think you are either. 157 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:20,440 No, I'm giving Jenny two points. 158 00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,280 OK. Three points, weird that I would give it three points 159 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,840 when it's not even the right weight 160 00:07:24,880 --> 00:07:28,200 and it's a painting of Frankie Boyle on a horse, 161 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,440 but that's the intrinsic fairness of this show. 162 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,720 If you want to play like that. Three points, there it is. 163 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,760 Well done, Frankie. So it's between the breakfast and the toaster. 164 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:38,440 Toaster's one of the most boring things anyone's ever brought in. 165 00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:40,600 It fits the criteria but it's unforgivably dull, 166 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:42,680 but I can't deny it takes the four points. 167 00:07:42,720 --> 00:07:45,560 But who isn't made happier by a fry-up? 168 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:46,920 No, no, no, no. 169 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,160 No-one. Five points to Mae Martin. 170 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,360 OK, let's go, what's first, Alex? 171 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,800 Well, I've been proposed to many times 172 00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,120 and I've had a good couple of stag dos but now, 173 00:07:58,160 --> 00:08:00,400 finally, it's time for this. 174 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:16,040 Ah. Hello, Mae. Hi. 175 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,240 Oh, are we getting married? 176 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,840 Hello, Jenny. Hi, Frankie. 177 00:08:22,880 --> 00:08:25,920 Hello, Ivo. 178 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,840 Great speed. 179 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,120 Hello. All right? Yes. 180 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,800 Good. Can't wait for this? Yeah. 181 00:08:33,840 --> 00:08:34,960 This is a big day. 182 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,480 Yeah, a huge day for me. 183 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,840 It looks nice, doesn't it? 184 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,680 Well, it's hideous really but, you know. Oh. 185 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,520 No, it's lovely, it's really. No, I'm writing down "hideous". 186 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:44,720 Lovely. It's lovely, they smell great. Hm. 187 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,920 Have the best first dance at a wedding with Alex. 188 00:08:52,960 --> 00:08:55,520 With Alex. You can choose whatever music you want. 189 00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:59,840 But must be wearing these headphones throughout. 190 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:03,160 Your first dance must last no more than a minute, 191 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:04,640 thank God. No, 192 00:09:04,680 --> 00:09:08,240 not because of you. You have 20 minutes to prepare. 193 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:13,040 Your time starts now. Finally my chance to choreograph. 194 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,400 I'm not a good dancer. Oh, nor, am I. 195 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,360 I have no musical ability whatsoever but god I can dance. 196 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:20,320 I have already have a vision. 197 00:09:20,360 --> 00:09:22,560 OK. It's pretty acrobatic. 198 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:25,520 Acrobatic? Yeah. Dangerous. 199 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:27,760 It needs to start majestically. 200 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:30,720 There's nothing majestic about a clipboard. 201 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:35,640 Oh, OK, you can get low. All right. 202 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,640 OK. 203 00:09:37,680 --> 00:09:40,360 We've got quite a long choreography to do, 204 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,400 but the first thing I need to get on the stage is the cow. 205 00:09:43,440 --> 00:09:49,440 Right, are we going for party, disco or are we going for romance? 206 00:09:49,480 --> 00:09:52,040 What about a bit of like Stormzy? Yeah. 207 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:53,920 Be a dramatic first dance. 208 00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:56,200 Let's do it by the tail. There we go. 209 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:58,560 Yeah, it's a standard way of carrying a cow, I think. 210 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,960 I might have to go somewhere dark and cool to think. 211 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,200 OK. It's hot in there. It's... It's dark and hot. 212 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:06,080 The caravan's quite dark and cool. 213 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,920 OK, I'm going in there. That gives me trench vagina. 214 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:10,720 I'm sorry about that on our wedding night 215 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:13,240 but you're going to get a dance. 216 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,160 I don't know why I said it out loud. 217 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,600 I was coming on to trench vagina as well. 218 00:10:25,640 --> 00:10:27,320 There's a lot we don't know about WW1. 219 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,280 Oh, lest we forget. 220 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:35,440 OK, so we're going to begin the dancing with Kiell Smith-Bynoe. 221 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,800 Ladies and gentlemen, 222 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:42,480 please be upstanding for the bride and groom, 223 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:47,560 Mr and Mrs Alex Horne. Yeah. Whah. 224 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:50,480 It's the best wedding I've ever been to. 225 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,880 Hit it. 226 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:50,160 Christ almighty. It's very rare I've got nothing negative to say. 227 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,280 That's the best thing you've ever done. 228 00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:55,640 Well, feel free to watch that at home with Earth, 229 00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,280 Wind and Fire's Boogie Wonderland playing. Is that what it was? 230 00:11:58,320 --> 00:12:00,800 That's what it was. Could you not tell? That was great, Kiell. 231 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:03,080 Thanks. That'll definitely win. 232 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:05,720 Or, is it? Or, is it? 233 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:09,320 It's his big chance to choreograph, yet this is what he came up with. 234 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:14,040 It's Frankie Boyle dancing to Today's Your Day, 235 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,640 in brackets, Whachagonedu, by Fat Lip. 236 00:12:16,680 --> 00:12:18,680 Oh, Fat Lip. 237 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,240 I found the dance to be rubbish. 238 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,240 Always nice when a bride looks at their watch in 239 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,000 the middle of a wedding dance. 240 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:06,160 I wanted to get it bang-on time. 241 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,360 It was bang-on time. Bang-on time. 242 00:13:09,520 --> 00:13:11,480 There was no choreography. 243 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:14,720 It was just a man heavy breathing in a dress 244 00:13:14,760 --> 00:13:19,280 and then the most stomach-churning kiss that's ever been televised. 245 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,840 He just said to me, "Watch it and feel it." 246 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,600 I watched it and I felt it as well. I felt it was shit. 247 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,040 Break time for you, break time for me, 248 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:33,720 break time for Alex. See you in three. 249 00:13:42,680 --> 00:13:43,800 Hello. 250 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,520 Welcome back to the first part two of the series. 251 00:13:46,560 --> 00:13:47,960 Yes, only nine to go. 252 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,960 The part two welcome back countdown begins. 253 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:53,400 Before the break, I had two first dances. 254 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,440 I did the worm with Kiell, obviously, 255 00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:58,520 and I finally got off with Frankie Boyle. 256 00:13:58,560 --> 00:14:01,600 Now it's time for me to dance with Jenny Eclair. 257 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,480 Whoo, lucky. 258 00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,640 Well. Did you guess the music? 259 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,320 Wuthering Heights? Is it Ride of the Valkyries but they're... 260 00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,800 I was calling it Bride of the Valkyries. Yes, you were, yeah. 261 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:03,280 The first thing I wrote down is, 262 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:06,680 "This looks like a scene from a Victorian insane asylum." Yes. 263 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:08,480 But then, I thought a narrative did emerge, 264 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,840 I thought there was some kind of courting ritual going on. 265 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:11,880 Yes, there was. 266 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,920 Involving an asthmatic bride. Yes. 267 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,040 Trying to get the attention of her husband only 268 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,360 to scare him off with an aggressive sexual advance. 269 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,000 Yes. And that was the intention. 270 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,920 All right. You want to see who's next? Yep. 271 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:26,920 Next to dance with me for the fourth first time is Ivo Graham. 272 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,800 See if you can guess what song we're listening to. 273 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:13,840 It's one of your favourite bands, Greg. 274 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,120 Oh, is it? Yeah. I worked backwards from the song. 275 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:17,640 It was Dizzy by the Wonder Stuff. 276 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:19,800 It was Dizzy by the Wonder Stuff. Ahh. 277 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,560 Whose other songs include? Size of a Cow. 278 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,720 There was a cow at that wedding. 279 00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:28,680 Sometimes Wikipedia does come good. 280 00:16:28,720 --> 00:16:31,200 That's the reason for the cow. Yeah. Throughout the series, 281 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,160 Ivo's trying to ingratiate himself with you. 282 00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,480 Oh, but it's really worked. 283 00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:38,680 I'm so ashamed of myself cos the dance is rubbish 284 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:42,160 but I'm thinking of giving him more points. 285 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:47,080 Next. Next. Just one person left and before the dance I said, 286 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,640 "May I?" And they said, "I may." 287 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:52,400 "You may?" I said, and they said, "Aye, I Mae." 288 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,440 And there'll be lots more fun bits like that throughout the series. 289 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,680 It's Mae Martin and Zorba the Greek. 290 00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,240 That was... I feel emotional. 291 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:36,400 Yeah. Quite tired. 292 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,680 Hm, this is what our lives together would be like. 293 00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,080 And I'm alone again. 294 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,480 That's such a genuinely great dance. Hm. 295 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,360 Thank you. It... It's like mathematical almost. 296 00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,840 You've got far more skills than I thought when you're in 297 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,320 the hands of the right choreographer. Hm. 298 00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,000 Did you find it emotional? 299 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:02,680 That's place you lost me when you started crying at the end, 300 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,600 cos I thought, "OK, well, Mae's lost their fucking mind here." 301 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:06,880 I was engaged once. 302 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,120 And it triggered you? 303 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:10,440 Yeah, our dance wasn't going to be Zorba but... 304 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:13,000 Doing a sort of Cossack clock dance with this goon? 305 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,840 Yeah, I suddenly thought, "This'd be nice." 306 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:19,480 Yeah. Yeah. I feel like I've really been on an emotional journey. 307 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:20,960 Yeah. It's made me feel sick. 308 00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,200 Ah. Yeah. Do you want some points then? 309 00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,320 Yeah, OK. Do you want me to go bottom or top first? 310 00:18:26,360 --> 00:18:29,160 Or middle. Start with the middle if you want. OK. 311 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,720 Who was the most average? 312 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,160 I don't think it was average, I thought it was really good. 313 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:35,720 I just think there were two dances better than it. Jenny's. 314 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:36,880 Ah. Three points. 315 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:38,600 Average. Thanks. 316 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,960 No, I'm happy. I'm happy with that, thank you very much. 317 00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,200 Where would you like me to go next? I'd like to go down by one, please. 318 00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:50,320 OK, Ivo's, even though he'd successfully sucked up to me, 319 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,000 all he did was jump over a cow and spin round in circles. 320 00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:55,960 OK. Ivo, you get two points. Well done, Ivo. 321 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:58,160 Um. 322 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:01,160 I feel like I know the one-pointer, so... Correct. 323 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:03,160 Yeah. It is Kiell. 324 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:06,520 I'm joking, it's Frankie. 325 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:09,800 Frankie Boyle you have one point. Yeah. 326 00:19:09,840 --> 00:19:14,160 So it's between Kiell and Mae for the five points. 327 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,600 I very much enjoyed the emotional content of Mae's, 328 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:20,520 I really did, but the dance I wanted to be part of was Kiell's. 329 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,000 OK, Kiell gets five points. 330 00:19:25,080 --> 00:19:27,360 Let's see how that all looks on a scoreboard. 331 00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,720 Of course. Yes, well, Ivo's in last place with three 332 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:32,640 but we have joint leaders with nine, Kiell and Mae. 333 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:40,360 Hm. Another task, please, my little toy. Of course. 334 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,080 And this one involves the patron saint of ring, 335 00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:44,560 Saint Ring, 336 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,320 often known now as String. Here we go. 337 00:20:00,960 --> 00:20:02,880 Well, hell... Ooh. Hello, Jenny. 338 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,720 On a red cushion. Hello, Alex. 339 00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,840 Clock started already. 340 00:20:07,880 --> 00:20:10,480 Yes. Hello, Alex. 341 00:20:10,520 --> 00:20:12,960 Hello, Ivo. Oh, straight off. 342 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,560 Nice to see you. 343 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,480 Nice to see you too, Mae. 344 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:19,960 Ball of string, cushion, task. Mm-hm. 345 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:24,320 Completely unwind this ball of string. 346 00:20:24,360 --> 00:20:27,440 Your time started when you said Alex's name. Oh. 347 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,760 Your time started when you said Alex's name. 348 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,560 Damn and blast you! 349 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,320 Your time started when you said... 350 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,880 ..Alex's name. Oh, phew. 351 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,960 Hello. Hello, Frankie. 352 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,880 Oh, twine. Twine, yep. 353 00:20:51,280 --> 00:20:55,080 Yo. Hello, Kiell. Are you all right, Kiell? 354 00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:58,240 Yeah, man. You? Yes, great. 355 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,920 Hm. Feels like velvet. 356 00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,600 Completely unwind this ball of string. 357 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,800 Your time started when you said... 358 00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,920 Hm. Name. I said your name. 359 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,720 I didn't think I said yours. 360 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,200 I was hoping you were going to say, "Hello, Alex." 361 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:22,760 You hadn't bargained with Scottish rudeness. 362 00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,240 Time started when you said... 363 00:21:28,280 --> 00:21:31,280 Hm. I kept saying, "Hello, Kiell." 364 00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,640 What did I say? Yo. 365 00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:39,440 Yeah. 366 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,240 I really like it when people guess your system. Hm. 367 00:21:46,280 --> 00:21:48,120 They break your system straight away. 368 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,960 That's one of your favourite things. It's one of my favourite things. 369 00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:53,320 It was Frankie and Kiell who were the problems. 370 00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:56,760 Let's see how they and the rest of the problem children did. 371 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,880 OK. Well, the rude Scotsman is up first. 372 00:21:58,920 --> 00:22:01,120 His words, not mine. It's Frankie Boyle. 373 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:02,720 Don't suppose there's a quicker way 374 00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,920 to do it than simply throwing it about. 375 00:22:07,560 --> 00:22:12,200 Oh, you can see what cats get out of this really. Fun entertainment. 376 00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:15,120 Are you going to say my name at all? I am, yeah. Right. 377 00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:16,960 Oh, yeah, don't worry about that. 378 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,200 There we go. 379 00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:22,320 Alex. Right. 380 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,160 Definitely done everything on the task? 381 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,400 Completely unwind this ball of string, 382 00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:29,840 your time starts when you said Alex's name. Yes. 383 00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,840 Yeah, you happy? Thanks. Bye, Frankie. 384 00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,560 Bye, Alex. 385 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,920 You can't just hide bits of the task. 386 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,920 I set you a task, some of it's written under the chair. 387 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:04,760 Listen, I couldn't agree more. 388 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,160 Do you think that would stand up in court? 389 00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:09,560 We've never had a litigation on this show but I... 390 00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:10,840 I would welcome it, Frankie. 391 00:23:10,880 --> 00:23:14,160 Nay, financially support you doing it. 392 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:15,680 I never put it on the cushion, 393 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,000 so my clock is essentially still going. Six months. 394 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,280 172 days, nearly a whole school year. 395 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:28,360 I've said it before, I'll say it again, Frankie, the guy's a prick. 396 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,040 397 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:33,680 That's half-time - for the show, yes. 398 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,480 But also, for a lot of you, you're halfway through your lives. 399 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:38,080 Sobering thought, isn't it? 400 00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:41,320 Use the time to really stare at your partner in this break. 401 00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:45,560 Are you really going to spend the second half of your life with that? 402 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:47,280 Bye! 403 00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:59,240 Hello! Welcome back to Taskmaster. 404 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,440 It's part three, and we're in the midst of a task involving string. 405 00:24:02,480 --> 00:24:05,720 Correct. Ultimately, they just had to put a neat ball of string on 406 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:08,640 the cushion, but that part of the task wording was placed on 407 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:10,280 the back of the task where I genuinely 408 00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:11,800 thought everyone would look. 409 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:16,360 Frankie didn't and is currently over 4,000 hours into the task. 410 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:17,960 Did the next two competitors look? 411 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,840 Well, we've only just met them but I doubt it. It's Kiell and Ivo. 412 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:27,800 Do you know what my name is? Yeah. 413 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:29,920 Mr Horne. 414 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:33,840 The curse of politeness. 415 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:35,800 And it is a curse. 416 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,400 This is fun though. Ooh. 417 00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:44,200 If I'm going by what most people, like, know you as then I'd guess... 418 00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,360 Hm, I'd love you to say it. Alex. 419 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:50,360 Right, I've started the clock. Done. 420 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,760 Have you? Yeah. It's completely unwound. 421 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:54,960 It's completely unwinded. Have you done everything? 422 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,840 Yeah. What? Ahh. 423 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:00,480 No. 424 00:25:00,520 --> 00:25:03,200 Put a neat ball. Hm. 425 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,640 Put a neat ball of string on the cushion. Fastest wins. 426 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:10,240 You do not have to unwind the ball of string. 427 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:13,640 Why didn't you put that on the front? 428 00:25:13,680 --> 00:25:16,160 It's optimistic to think there's another one in the house. 429 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,640 You think we've only got one ball of string? 430 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,560 I don't know. 431 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:23,360 Why's there so much string left? Ahh. 432 00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,480 Yes, look how purple my fingertips are going. 433 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:29,000 I can't unwind it to release my fingers. 434 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:32,560 On the dog's head. 435 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:35,720 Damn, that's neat. 436 00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:38,840 Stop the clock? Stop the clock. 437 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:42,520 I think that can just all go in one big... Yep. 438 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,680 That's... That's actually great. 439 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:52,040 It did slip smoothly off the dog's face. 440 00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:55,800 That was a really good bit of an otherwise terrible experience. 441 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,840 Um, very similar systems initially. 442 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:04,840 Mm-hm. Although Ivo was 443 00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,320 a little more enthusiastic about casting his string. 444 00:26:08,360 --> 00:26:10,240 He was the quickest to unwind. 445 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:12,840 Kiell was spending a lot of time congratulating himself 446 00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:14,440 for not saying your name. 447 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,920 Ivo, ah, 448 00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,280 seven minutes 24 to put a ball of string on a cushion. 449 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:21,560 It's actually ages, isn't it? This is ages. 450 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,520 Yeah. This is ongoing ages. 451 00:26:24,560 --> 00:26:28,040 Well, what I took from that is that English people know not 452 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:30,120 to trust other English people. 453 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:33,560 We've got a Canadian next. 454 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,440 Do you think the Canadian will trust an Englishman? Shouldn't do. 455 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:40,680 Well, there are only two people left and there's still 456 00:26:40,720 --> 00:26:44,560 a chance they might be the smart ones. It's Mae and Jenny. 457 00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:46,840 Is this your normal technique? 458 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:49,120 Yeah, I think. There's no other way than this. 459 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:51,680 No tricks? I mean, the awful trick would be if at 460 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:55,040 the end of all this you said, "Now wind it all back up," 461 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,560 and I say, "Fuck off, you sod." 462 00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:58,760 Ah. 463 00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,760 Oh, bloody hell. 464 00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:06,640 I feel like I've achieved something which is pathetic. 465 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,080 Done. I've finished it. I've done it, Alex. I've done it. 466 00:27:11,120 --> 00:27:12,680 Have you? You sure? 467 00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,440 Ah. Oh, no. 468 00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:19,760 Put a neat ball of string on the cushion. Fastest wins. 469 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:24,640 Why did you do that to me? Why would anybody do that? 470 00:27:24,680 --> 00:27:26,360 You didn't say look at the other side. 471 00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:28,720 You should always look at the back of the tasks. 472 00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,760 Oh, God in Heaven, I don't believe... 473 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:32,720 It's not going to get neat. 474 00:27:34,280 --> 00:27:36,960 Could I? Is there another ball of string? 475 00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,240 Doesn't say how big 476 00:27:38,280 --> 00:27:40,520 the ball of string has to be. 477 00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:43,880 Sod that. 478 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:49,040 Stop the clock, that is a neat ball of string. 479 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:50,520 That's a neat ball of string. 480 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:55,560 Oh... Oh. 481 00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:58,840 I've stopped the clock. 482 00:27:58,880 --> 00:28:02,720 Why did I look right there first? Yes. 483 00:28:02,760 --> 00:28:04,960 You didn't know there was a secret drawer there? Yeah. 484 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,720 Well, basically there's only two that have handles that stick out. 485 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:09,560 Well done, Mae. Thanks. Bye. 486 00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:11,040 Bye, Mae. 487 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:15,680 I really loved the quote, 488 00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,640 "Why would anyone want to do that to someone?" 489 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,280 I felt really picked on. 490 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,280 I thought she was good. I put that, ah, 491 00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,080 Mae lost their Goddamn mind, 492 00:28:24,120 --> 00:28:26,000 is what I wrote down initially 493 00:28:26,040 --> 00:28:28,720 but then that's how this game can turn on a sixpence. 494 00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:30,840 It was a real sixth sense from Mae. 495 00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:34,480 I genuinely felt like the Lord was involved. 496 00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:39,160 Like... Like I had a flash of... I just knew it was. 497 00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,520 I, I... It was. It came from the Lord. 498 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,160 Wow. It's good that he's sparing 499 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,000 the time from all these people who are dying in natural disasters 500 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:52,360 and whatnot to look in on the show. 501 00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:54,560 Hey, he's gotta have a hobby. 502 00:28:54,600 --> 00:28:57,160 He's... He's a fan. 503 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:00,120 We know that Ivo took seven minutes 24, 504 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:01,960 Kiell five minutes and seven seconds, 505 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,720 Frankie currently 247,680 minutes. 506 00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:08,160 Mae Martin placed 507 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:10,880 a ball of string on the cushion in two minutes 35. 508 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:12,000 Oh, God. 509 00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:15,440 Jenny, one minute 19 slower than Mae. 510 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:17,800 Slower than Mae. Slower than Mae. 511 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:22,600 Three minutes 54...54 seconds. 512 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:26,360 That's cruel. Why would you do that to me? 513 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,240 Why would anybody do that to me? 514 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:32,400 Which means that Ivo gets two points, 515 00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,160 Kiell three, Jenny four, 516 00:29:34,200 --> 00:29:36,920 Frankie does get one point but Mae Martin gets five points. 517 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,000 Send another task my way, please. 518 00:29:42,040 --> 00:29:45,240 Well, let's see if this one floats your boat, because we're about 519 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:47,480 to see our first location task of the series. 520 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:01,400 Aye, aye, Captain. Ahoy. 521 00:30:01,440 --> 00:30:04,360 What are you wearing on your head? A safety hat. 522 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:06,240 Right, yes. 523 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,640 Ahoy. This real? 524 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,200 Yeah. 525 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,480 Get all the rubber rings on your bargepole. 526 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:17,600 Get all the rubber rings on your bargepole. 527 00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,760 It's like a narwhal thing. 528 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:22,920 You may not touch 529 00:30:22,960 --> 00:30:27,560 the bargepole or rubber rings at any point. With my hands. 530 00:30:27,600 --> 00:30:30,240 You have a maximum of half an hour. 531 00:30:30,280 --> 00:30:32,800 Time starts now. 532 00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,520 Have you ever driven a barge before? 533 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,840 Yeah, barge. Have I driven a barge? 534 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:42,320 Have you driven a barge? 535 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:43,680 Nope. 536 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:45,320 Have you driven one of these before? 537 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:46,640 No. 538 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:48,000 I've never driven a car. 539 00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,440 Are you ready to go? I'm sort of ready to go 540 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:53,080 but I know this isn't a very good idea. 541 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,000 It looked like Ivo was interpreting for Frankie. 542 00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:04,680 Get all the rubber rings on a bargepole and then... 543 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:08,080 Get all the rubber rings on a bargepole. 544 00:31:09,760 --> 00:31:11,760 Ready? Ready. 545 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:14,880 Here we go. Just to explain, this was a supervised barge trip 546 00:31:14,920 --> 00:31:17,720 in a safe, private area, and we begin with everyone's 547 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:20,600 favourite chain of modest celebration restaurants, 548 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:22,040 it's Frankie and Jenny's. 549 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:23,960 The clock has started. 550 00:31:25,480 --> 00:31:27,080 I'm full steaming ahead. 551 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,000 You are. 552 00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:37,200 One rubber ring. 553 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:45,720 I'm so sorry. Are you all right, Alex? 554 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,120 Yeah, it was quite a heavy crash. 555 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:51,000 I might've broken the boat. OK, we're going for number two. 556 00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:55,000 I'm going to come back for that one. 557 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,640 No, wrong way. Wrong way. 558 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,640 Oh, yeah, we're lining up with this bad boy. 559 00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,480 Just hid in that tree, I think. 560 00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:15,560 Think I might back up a little. 561 00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:20,480 Ah, here we are again. Watch that tree. 562 00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:23,400 Yes. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Watch your head, Alex. 563 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,400 Watch your head. I'm very, very sorry. 564 00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:27,280 Very sorry about this. Very, very sorry. 565 00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:32,920 I think we'll get more on the way back. 566 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:36,200 It's not fair. 567 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:38,400 I can't see you missing this one. 568 00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:53,000 Why? No. No. 569 00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:56,800 Oh, my God. 570 00:32:56,840 --> 00:32:59,880 One. Your final minute, Jenny. 571 00:32:59,920 --> 00:33:01,960 OK, OK, you bastard. 572 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,960 We're going quite... We're going quite fast towards the wall. 573 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,600 So close. Erm, we're going to hit the wall quite fast. 574 00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:16,640 Brace, brace. Brace. 575 00:33:16,680 --> 00:33:18,320 I'm bracing. 576 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,160 Uh, ooh. 577 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,280 I'm so sorry. No, that's all right. 578 00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,240 I'm not sure this was a very good idea. 579 00:33:28,280 --> 00:33:31,560 Oh, there we go. I don't think you're a natural. 580 00:33:31,600 --> 00:33:34,080 I've maybe discovered a new way of doing it. 581 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:38,600 There were three crashes, right? 582 00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:42,040 We showed three, yeah. Unfortunately, yeah. 583 00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:45,280 The most spectacular of which involved you knowing 584 00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:46,800 you were going to crash, 585 00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:49,240 not attempting to stop or steer away, 586 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,040 you just simply shouted, "Brace." 587 00:33:52,280 --> 00:33:57,360 Ah, at that point I forgot what you could do entirely. 588 00:33:57,400 --> 00:34:01,240 Like the worst pilot of all time. Brace. 589 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:05,040 We're going down. 590 00:34:05,080 --> 00:34:06,760 Some of the other things she said was, 591 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,200 "Back, back, come on, pony, calm the flip down, Jenny, 592 00:34:09,240 --> 00:34:10,840 "spin, bitch, spin." 593 00:34:14,760 --> 00:34:15,800 Yes, they both got one. 594 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:18,560 They had a maximum of half an hour. We thought, "That'll be plenty." 595 00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:21,960 Good. Both awful. OK, one watermelon each. 596 00:34:22,000 --> 00:34:24,440 Yep. Next up it's one man on his own 597 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:25,960 and I'm going to use his full name 598 00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:29,400 to introduce him this time, it's Kiell Smith-By-Noculars. 599 00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:32,480 How you feeling? 600 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:35,840 Like a sailor. Wait, what am I doing? Collecting it? 601 00:34:35,880 --> 00:34:37,400 On the pole. 602 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,520 Come on, come on. Nah. 603 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,800 Ah, man. OK. That's OK. 604 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,520 We'll just go into reverse, won't we? 605 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:50,560 Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, 606 00:34:50,600 --> 00:34:53,640 beep, beep. OK, here we go. 607 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:54,880 This is it. 608 00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,040 Yeah. 609 00:34:59,080 --> 00:35:02,440 One on a bargepole for me. 610 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,480 That took three minutes. Not bad. 611 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,600 Two on a bargepole for me. 612 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:16,520 How many have I gotta get? 613 00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,800 Five. Oh. So I don't need this one at all. 614 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:21,960 Why not? Cos I can get that one down there. 615 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:23,360 OK. 616 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:26,640 Yeah. 617 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:30,360 Four on a bargepole for me. 618 00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:32,040 Nine minutes gone. 619 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:35,120 Right, this one, one take. I'm not messing about. 620 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:39,440 It's like bloody Popeye. Popeye's a sailor, right? 621 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,840 Yeah. Let's go baby. 622 00:35:42,880 --> 00:35:46,360 Four. Four? Is that not five? 623 00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:51,480 One, two, three. Yeah, four. 624 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,600 It's reversal time. 625 00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:56,600 Look at that. Watch him go. 626 00:35:57,760 --> 00:35:59,480 Oh, can feel the wind in your hair. 627 00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,680 Whoo, yeah. 628 00:36:01,720 --> 00:36:03,280 You've got seven minutes. 629 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,320 I don't think you're counting in real minutes. 630 00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,000 I can see the ring. 631 00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:14,680 You've got four minutes to get the last ring. 632 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:16,400 I only need one. 633 00:36:16,440 --> 00:36:18,960 Yeah. I'll stop the clock. 634 00:36:25,720 --> 00:36:27,120 You know how you hear, like, 635 00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,120 an earworm song like Saturday Night by Whigfield 636 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,000 and you hear it a few times 637 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,000 and after, sort of, the eighth time, ninth, 638 00:36:34,040 --> 00:36:36,640 you've heard it on the radio it starts to irritate you. Hm. 639 00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:38,280 I was irritated on 640 00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:42,800 the first verse of One on a Bargepole For Me. 641 00:36:42,840 --> 00:36:45,960 For me. For me. 642 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:49,440 However, an exemplary performance. 643 00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:51,360 Well, the thing was, 644 00:36:51,400 --> 00:36:53,320 I thought that I'd already got all five. 645 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,120 One, two, four, five. That was the problem. 646 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:57,560 Some hotels don't have the number 13, so maybe you don't have 647 00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,440 the number three in your vocabulary. Is that a thing? I'd say so, yeah. 648 00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:02,480 Try counting to five now. Now? Yeah. 649 00:37:02,520 --> 00:37:04,680 One, two, four, five. 650 00:37:04,720 --> 00:37:06,240 For me. 651 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:11,240 So you did eventually get all five within the timeframe. 652 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,040 26 minutes and 30 is the time to beat. 653 00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,920 Hot dang, it's the end of part three. 654 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,400 Return to us for part four 655 00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:19,440 and the answer to the age-old question, 656 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,560 "Who's going to win a load of Jenny Eclair's eggs?" 657 00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:35,240 Hello, again. It's the final part of this first episode, 658 00:37:35,280 --> 00:37:38,480 and our new cast are enjoying themselves on a barge. 659 00:37:38,520 --> 00:37:41,320 Yes, that's right, Greg. But they're not the only ones here who enjoy 660 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,280 a long, flat-bottomed vessel. 661 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,400 Just two people left to see 662 00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,000 and their surnames sound like two reliable friends, 663 00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,160 it's Graham and Martin. 664 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:55,680 Oh. No. Ahh. 665 00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:59,480 Ooh. He's done it. 666 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:02,240 I feel so alive. 667 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:08,280 Yes. One rubber ring - and that took one minute. 668 00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,160 Two rubber rings, Mae, in two minutes. 669 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:14,400 I'm reversing. 670 00:38:15,760 --> 00:38:17,080 I'm on a boat. 671 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:19,240 Yes, you're on a boat. 672 00:38:19,280 --> 00:38:21,000 Yes. Two rings. 673 00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:22,840 Two rings. Now we reverse. 674 00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,000 It's been quite serene so far, Mae. 675 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,360 That's three. 676 00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:35,160 Yes. 677 00:38:36,920 --> 00:38:40,120 Whoa. Yes. Piece of piss. 678 00:38:41,360 --> 00:38:43,640 Yes. 679 00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:46,320 He has taken to the task. 680 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:48,400 Right, photo finish. 681 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:56,760 OK, this is bad. 682 00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:00,680 Here we go. No, no, no, yes. 683 00:39:00,720 --> 00:39:03,040 No! No! 684 00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:06,680 Um, this... This has come off. This has... 685 00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:08,520 I've... I've broken the steering wheel. 686 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:11,600 Right. 687 00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,400 I've never been so focused. 688 00:39:18,600 --> 00:39:20,440 No, nor have I. 689 00:39:25,240 --> 00:39:27,400 Yes. 690 00:39:27,440 --> 00:39:28,760 I've stopped the clock. 691 00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,160 Yeah. 692 00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:32,280 You've done it, Mae. You made it look really easy. 693 00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:33,840 Yeah, I loved that. 694 00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:39,000 Ivo? Hello. 695 00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,120 You've got 11 minutes left. 696 00:39:41,160 --> 00:39:44,080 Well, hang on. I thought I'd used four minutes. 697 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:47,240 We back in? You're back in. Hop back on. 698 00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:56,000 Yes! 699 00:39:56,040 --> 00:39:59,120 I've stopped the clock. Put it in reverse. Put it in reverse. 700 00:39:59,160 --> 00:40:01,800 Oh, no. BOAT THUDS 701 00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,800 A lot happened. My hat came off. I've broken the boat. 702 00:40:05,840 --> 00:40:07,160 Won the task. 703 00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:12,800 It's very early for me to be saying this 704 00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:17,000 but it seems to me that anything Mae takes on is done with poise. 705 00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:19,840 I don't... I've never said "piece of piss," that's so English. 706 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:21,360 I don't know why I said that. 707 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:24,040 Even piece of piss felt dignified. 708 00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:28,720 How am I ranking on the old poise front, Greg? 709 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,960 There's a reason I led with Mae. 710 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,080 I mean, it was just carnage, wasn't it? 711 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:35,520 It was great up to the... Broken the boat, won the task. 712 00:40:35,560 --> 00:40:37,200 I doubt it. 713 00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:39,560 Broken the boat, lost my hat, won the task, 714 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,400 and in the words of Meat Loaf, two out of three ain't bad. 715 00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:49,080 Do we include the whole time in his time or do we stop 716 00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:50,760 the clock when he broke the barge? 717 00:40:50,800 --> 00:40:53,000 Ivo had the barge after Frankie and me. 718 00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:56,360 He shouldn't be punished because I think we'd broken it already. 719 00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,440 That's exactly... That's exactly what happened. 720 00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:03,080 I think it was cracked. 721 00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,520 I think it's exactly that sort of gesture that will see me punish him. 722 00:41:08,320 --> 00:41:10,720 The tiller was loose. We can't punish him for that. 723 00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,400 OK, so we will pause the clock... Yeah. 724 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:14,760 ..when it broke, and then, restart it when it was mended. 725 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,800 Because the tiller was loose. In which case, both Mae and Ivo 726 00:41:17,840 --> 00:41:20,920 pierced all five watermelons in under eight minutes. 727 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:22,880 Mae, seven minutes and seven seconds. 728 00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:27,080 Ivo, seven minutes and 41 seconds. 729 00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,480 So Mae gets five points, Ivo four, 730 00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,440 Kiell, three, and Jenny and Frankie share two points each. 731 00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:37,400 Let's have a quick look at the scores. 732 00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:39,600 Frankie, I'm afraid you're at the bottom of the table 733 00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:40,640 with seven points. 734 00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:42,720 A long way above you is Mae with 19 points. 735 00:41:46,320 --> 00:41:48,040 They can be caught. 736 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,160 OK, everyone, please make your way to 737 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,120 the stage for the final task of the show. 738 00:42:01,000 --> 00:42:03,880 Five pots on a stick. 739 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:05,440 For me. 740 00:42:07,040 --> 00:42:08,600 Anyway, let's dance. 741 00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,720 I'd like Mae Martin to read the task please. 742 00:42:11,760 --> 00:42:13,800 All right. 743 00:42:13,840 --> 00:42:15,840 Throw your items into your bucket. 744 00:42:15,880 --> 00:42:18,920 You must select one item when Alex blows his whistle. 745 00:42:18,960 --> 00:42:20,680 You must then throw that item when 746 00:42:20,720 --> 00:42:22,480 Alex blows his whistle again. 747 00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:25,000 If your bucket falls, you're disqualified. 748 00:42:25,040 --> 00:42:26,600 You must stay on your spot 749 00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:28,200 and you must not move your spot. 750 00:42:28,240 --> 00:42:31,480 Most items in a standing bucket wins. 751 00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:34,120 Yeah, so you will end up throwing all your items. 752 00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:37,320 I'm going to blow the whistle, so please hold up your first item. 753 00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,360 754 00:42:39,400 --> 00:42:43,000 Right, we've gone baby, baby, brick, book, book. 755 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:45,240 book, book. 756 00:42:46,880 --> 00:42:49,040 And... 757 00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:52,120 Oh. 758 00:42:52,160 --> 00:42:53,840 Ahh. 759 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:57,160 Wow. 760 00:42:59,280 --> 00:43:01,480 That made me want to hump a barge. 761 00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:05,440 So Ivo one nil up with his baby. 762 00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:07,920 You can now select your next item on the whistle. 763 00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:10,840 You cannot change now. 764 00:43:10,880 --> 00:43:14,200 So it's brick, book, baby, brick, brick this time. 765 00:43:14,240 --> 00:43:16,600 Nowhere near as catchy. 766 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,320 No. 767 00:43:21,400 --> 00:43:23,600 Yes. Yes. 768 00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:30,000 Who did you throw that brick into that bucket for? 769 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,840 For me. 770 00:43:33,720 --> 00:43:37,080 Please select your next item now. 771 00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:39,520 Whoa, it's first balls. 772 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:42,240 Ball, brush, ball, baby, baby. 773 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:46,840 Ready to witness the next round? Here we go. And throw. 774 00:43:46,880 --> 00:43:49,160 775 00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,080 Ooh. 776 00:43:51,120 --> 00:43:53,840 Yes. Yes. 777 00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:56,600 Me too, yes. 778 00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:58,960 I'm just going to say yeah. 779 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,560 All the buckets are still standing. Yeah. 780 00:44:01,600 --> 00:44:04,520 It's me versus you, Kiell. No, it's you versus everyone still. 781 00:44:07,040 --> 00:44:09,840 Please select your penultimate item. 782 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:12,000 Ooh. 783 00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:15,280 We have three balls in play. It's book, ball, brush, ball, ball. 784 00:44:17,600 --> 00:44:20,800 You say it like a malfunctioning robot. 785 00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:23,440 Let's play. OK, good luck everyone. 786 00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:26,000 787 00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:27,640 Oh! 788 00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,600 Oh, my God. Wow. 789 00:44:36,640 --> 00:44:40,960 I've never seen gameplay like that as long as in 15 series. 790 00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:42,880 I resign. 791 00:44:42,920 --> 00:44:46,240 Yeah. So Ivo killed Kiell, Kiell killed Ivo, 792 00:44:46,280 --> 00:44:48,440 Mae killed themselves, I think, is that... 793 00:44:48,480 --> 00:44:49,760 Oh, my God. 794 00:44:49,800 --> 00:44:52,240 Somehow, Jenny and Frankie are going to take away the points. 795 00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:56,880 It was like Reservoir Dogs. 796 00:44:56,920 --> 00:45:00,280 This is the most excited I've ever been. 797 00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:02,040 There's just Jenny and Frankie to throw. 798 00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,600 It's a brush for Frankie, it's a book for Jenny. 799 00:45:04,640 --> 00:45:06,440 If you get it in and the other doesn't, 800 00:45:06,480 --> 00:45:08,280 you take away five points and four points. 801 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,360 And if this isn't an anti-climax, I'll eat this trophy. 802 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,600 On my whistle, please throw. 803 00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:21,840 804 00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:25,160 Sensible from Jenny, 805 00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,400 but it means they share the five points. We're done. 806 00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:30,520 Yeah. Yay. 807 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,760 Come back down, we'll see how that's affected the final score. 808 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:41,000 They were such naughty boys. 809 00:45:41,040 --> 00:45:44,080 I was thrilled by the instinct of Ivo and by the 810 00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,640 lightning-quick response of Kiell. 811 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,360 It does mean Ivo is now in last place for the episode. 812 00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:51,280 I've been referred to as a bad boy for 813 00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,760 the first time in my life. I don't care where I come. 814 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:57,880 It's not all about winning, it's just glory, isn't it, sometimes? 815 00:45:57,920 --> 00:45:59,960 The curse of politeness has lifted. 816 00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:04,920 So Ivo in last place in the end. Jenny, you're in second place, 817 00:46:04,960 --> 00:46:07,600 but the winner of the first episode is Mae Martin with 19 points. 818 00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,720 Mae Martin wins. Please go collect your dependable kilo. 819 00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,840 Week one complete, see you all next time. 820 00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,600 But for now, let's applaud once more our winner, Mae Martin! 821 00:46:47,880 --> 00:46:51,200 Subtitles by Red Bee Media